Dashie's Got a Date
by SecretBronyAccount
Summary: Title explains it all! When Poison comes to town, Dash quickly develops a liking, and they begin dating immediatly! But what happens when Princess Luna begins to march, who will take sides? T for fighting and swearing.
1. The Newcomer

**I don't own My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic.**

1. The Newcomer

"And that's how Equestria was made!" finished Pinkie Pie.

"Pinkie, you just told us how you tripped one day while walking home." said Twilight Sparkle.

"Oh, I should tell you about that, tragic."

"Excuse me?" asked a Pegasus pony walking in. He had pitch black skin and turquoise mane and tail.

"Yea?" asked Applejack.

"I'm sorry, just moved from Canterlot, I'm looking for a Rainbow Dash, would anyone know where she is?"

"We do…but why do you want to see her?" asked Rainbow Dash, who was sitting right next to Rarity.

"I'm looking for her because she thinks she's the fastest pony in Equestria. I would like to prove her wrong."

"How so?" asked Rainbow, smiling.

"Meet me in the sky right over this location tomorrow. That should prove everything." The Pegasus left.

"Jackass." muttered Rainbow.

"Hell must have frozen over of somebody thinks they can beat you. " said Rarity.

"Nothing's impossible." said AJ.

"Try stapling jello to a tree." pointed out Pinkie Pie.

"10 bucks says I can do that." replied Rainbow.

"I'll go get the stapler!" said Twilight.

_Over Ponyville, 5:00 AM_

"Alright, hotshot. You wanna race me? Fine by me, but when you get your ass kicked I don't expect whining."

"Okay then…same goes to you."

"Ugh, lets just get it over with…one…two…three!" they both sped off.

Rainbow immediately realized why he was so arrogant. He was accelerating at an alarming rate, and a mach cone began to form around him.

"No way…" she muttered. She tried her hardest to speed up and match his pace, but she simply couldn't.

_BOOM!_

He did it, a perfect Sonic Rainboom. Rainbow gaped in awe. Somepony actually did it! Somepony actually flies faster than she does! He quickly flew back to her.

"How's that, Dashie?"

"Don't call me Dashie."

"Dashie."

"Speaking of names, what's yours?"

"I'm Poison."

"Well, Poison, it appears I've met my match."

"You certainly have."

"Man, your worse than me…"

"Probably. Say, there's a new restaurant down the street from here. Wanna go tonight?" Rainbow smiled.

"I barely know you."

"Yep.

"And you're asking me out. On a date."

"Yes. ."

"What the hell."

Cool. See ya." He sped off like a bullet. Rainbow sighed and went to her houses direction. A few yards a way, Fluttershy hovered concealed behind a cloud.

_Twilight's house, 10:21 PM_

"No way!" said Twilight.

"Yes, I heard the whole thing."

"He _have _to spy on her."

"Rarity, that may be the BEST IDEA EVER!" said Twilight.

"I dunno…" began Applejack.

"Aw, come on! She won't even know we're there!" said Pinkie.

"Yea, with you there." They all started laughing.

"Dashie's got a coltfriend!" sang Pinkie.

"Now, we need to plan this carefully."

"Easy. We wear camo and look in a window."

"Great idea, AJ! Let's go!"

_Destination Ponyville, 7:30 PM_

"And that's how I got my Cutie Mark." finished Lightning, pointing to his poison joke cutie mark.

"Nice story. Say, you ain't half bad." said Rainbow.

"There are five people spying on us. One yellow, one white, one purple, one pink, one orange."

"Those are my friends."

"Go figure. What do we do?"

"We scare the hell outta em'. Brb." Rainbow said, heading towards the bathroom.

_Outside the restaurant, 7:40 PM_

"She hasn't come out of the bathroom for 8 minutes!" whispered Twilight.

"Ya think she slipped out unnoticed and came to bust her spying friends?" asked Rainbow, smudged up against the window like they all were.

"Maybe…HEY!" shouted Rarity as they all looked over at her.

"Well, well, well." said Rainbow, smiling.

"Caught us red hooved." said Fluttershy.

"Damn right. Woah, who made the camo? It looks awesome!" said an approaching Poison.

"Pinkie did and Dammit how'd ya figure us out?" said Twilight.

"All the customers were staring at a window." replied Poison, smiling.

"You better get your ass home and write a certain princess a letter about fricken' friendship." said Rainbow.

"Yea…that wasn't very nice of us."

"Hell no! The princess better send you to the moon for all you've done." teased Dash.

"Actually, she's done that seven times." Everypony's eyes widened.

"…anyway, gotta go!" she ran off.

"And then there were 4." said Poison.

"3 see ya!" shouted Fluttershy, flying off.

"3." said Rainbow.

Pinkie Pie quickly escaped.

"2." gritted Poison.

Rarity and Applejack sped off in opposite directions. Rainbow caught up with AJ and pinned her while Poison slammed Rarity to the ground.

"I don't think so." said Poison.

"No chance in hell." said Rainbow, smiling.

"Please make our deaths quick and painless." said Rarity.

Applejack threw a hoof-punch, letting Rainbow get distracted for a moment, and she sped off.

"One little pony, all alone." said Poison.

"You read that?" asked Rainbow.

"Yea. And you know what happens next…"

"Don't hang me!" screamed Rarity.

"We're kidding. Get outta here." said Rainbow. Poison lifted his hoof and Rarity sped off.

"Can we finish our food?" asked Rainbow, smiling.

"Sure…unless you have other friends I need to know about.

"Nope."

"Great. Let's go."

_Twilight's house, 8:00 PM_

"Dammit! What did we do wrong? I read all of my books on espionage…"

"I think we weren't hidden enough." said Applejack.

"Was it my camo? I hope it wasn't my camo." replied Pinkie.

"It probably was." said Rarity.

"And I can't believe you bailed on us, Twilight!" said Fluttershy.

"Yea, love and tolerate!"

"Oh, please, like everyone else here wouldn't have done the same thing."

"Well…Dammit, she's right." said Rarity.

"Spike?"

"Yea, Twilight?"

"Write this down."

"_Dear Princess Celestia…_

_My horrible friends goaded me into an idea that was a complete invasion of privacy and they used peer pressure to convince me to unrightfully spy on Rainbow Dash. It was all their fault and I should have been more aware that peer pressure is dangerous._

_Please don't send me to the moon with Luna again,_

_Your faithful and always right student,_

_Twilight Sparkle_

_P.S I think your awesome."_

"What the hell was that?" asked AJ

"The truth."

"IT WAS YOUR IDEA IN THE FIRST-"

"Well look at that, the end of the chapter, see ya!" said Pinkie.


	2. 300 Ponies

**I don't own My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic.**

2. 300 Ponies

"Twilight Sparkle, I am very disappointed in you! I will think of an extremely harsh punishment for you to endure, partly for your crimes and partly for my own amusement!" Princess Celestia said.

"Alright, but…can you make everypony leave? I know there are at least 500 people waiting for the party, but-"

"GRENADE!" shouted Celestia.

Everypony screamed and quickly ran out of the building.

"Alright."

"Princess, I'm starting to think that you're a tyrant."

"Why so, sweetie?" asked Celestia innocently.

"Well, when Rarity was falling to her death in the best young flyer competition, instead of doing anything, you just sat back and watched."

"And?"

"You have the most powerful wings in Equestria and you get pulled slash flown around in a carriage."

"And?"

"You banished your own fricken sister to the moon…for a thousand years."

"AND…" said Celestia assertively.

"When we sent out invites to the Grand Galloping Gala, you knew I had five friends and you only gave me two tickets."

"AND…"

"You-"

"BANISHMENT!" screamed Celestia, making Twilight disappear in a flash.

_The Moon, 2:30 PM_

"Dammit." said Twilight.

_Rarity's house, 2:30 PM_

"Well, Rainbow Dash has a coltfriend now…" said Fluttershy.

"What are they doing now?" asked AJ.

"Reenacting 300 with Pinkie Pie." replied Rarity.

_Just outside of Rarity's house, 2:31 PM_

"This is blasphemy! This is madness!" shouted Poison, trying to contain his laughter.

"Madness?" asked Rainbow, looking over at Pinkie. She nodded dramatically.

"THIS IS EQUESTRIA!" shouted Rainbow, who kicked him down to the grass.

"OW! That was supposed to be faked!" said Poison, slowly getting up.

"Not dramatic enough." said Rainbow, smiling.

"This sucks, when do I get to kill somepony?" said Pinkie Pie.

_Rarity's house, 2:35 PM_

"I loved that movie! I wanna be Xerxes!" said Applejack, running out the door.

"Well, just you and m-I WANNA BE QUEEN GORGO!"shouted Rarity, running out the door, leaving Fluttershy.

"I guess I can be Dilios…" muttered Fluttershy, walking out also.

_Outside Rarity's house, 2:40 PM_

"TONIGHT, WE DINE IN HELL!" screamed Rainbow Dash.

"I STILL haven't gotten to kill anypony." mumbled Pinkie Pie.

"Soon, Pinkie, Soon. Right now, I must rally Equestria." said Rarity.

"Hey, what about the part where Theron-" began Fluttershy.

"LOVE AND TOLERATE!" interrupted Rainbow.

"Okay…"

"So, let's skip to the part where everypony gets killed." said Poison.

"YES!" screamed Pinkie Pie.

She bucked Rarity in the face, who fell to the grass in agony. She went for Fluttershy, who absorbed the impact by holding her hooves to her face, but she too fell to the grass. Applejack tried to buck with her legs, but Pinkie held her hooves to her face surprisingly strong, bringing them down anf=d sending her to the grass with a kick of her own. Rainbow and Poison were up in the air, and flew downward for an aerial attack. When they were about to hit her, she did a cartwheel, nailing Rainbow in the face on her way down, grounding her. Poison landed on the grass.

"It's over, Spartan!" he shouted.

"I will make you bleed, god king!" shouted Pinkie, charging Poison.

Poison watched Pinkie charge with all her might. He ducked, and when Pinkie got within contact range he used her forward motion to lift her in the air, launching her. She landed on four hooves and turned around. She picked up Rarity's limp body and held it up like a shield, charging forward. Poison, in turn, picked up a random stick and also charged. Rarity regained her senses enough to hop out of the way, leaving Pinkie wide open. She was about to pounce when a light blue elbow came across her head, bringing her to the grass. Rainbow put a hoof on her face.

"Any last words, Spartan?" she asked, smiling.

"Y…yes."

"What?" asked Poison, smiling with Rainbow.

"Go BURN IN HELL!" she screamed, jumping up and making them fly to ground. She stood up triumphant, but it was short lived.

Everypony managed to get up, and gritted their teeth. Pinkie Pie took a battle stance of her own, ready for the onslaught. Everypony rushed at her, engulfing her in a circle.

_The Moon, 3:00 PM_

"I bet there all laughing at me outside of Rarity's house, renacting 300 and Pinkie absolutely owning them…I deserve to the queen, not that stupid Rarity…" grumbled Twilight.

_Outside Rarity's 3:05 PM_

The 15 minute battle resulted in Rarity, Applejack, Poison, and Pinkie on the grass. Rainbow and Fluttershy were panting,

"Is…she…done?" asked Rainbow Dash.

"Yes…sure…of it." replied Fluttershy.

"Okay…Dilios…end the…story."

"Everypony…died…the..end…"

"Lost…many…a pony…today…"

_Outside Rainbow's house, 7:30 PM_

"Do you guys do that often?" asked Poison. They were both lying on a cloud.

"We've also done And Then There Were None, Pinkie was Wargrave, that was pretty fun too. Hey, look at the moon." said Rainbow.

"Yeah?"

"If you look real close, you might be able to see Twilight." they both started laughing and then swore to this day that they heard:

"Very funny!"

They shrugged it off, but stopped as they saw a huge army of ponies approaching.

"What the hell…"asked Rainbow.

"We better check it out."

They flew up to the army to find the leader was princess Luna.

"What the hell is this, Luna?" asked Rainbow.

"We hath leadith thy army on thy princess Celestia. I hath picked mith lieutenant for myith army.

"TWILIGHT?" they asked as she reviled himself, and more surprised when the rest of their friends revealed themselves.

"Yes. Join us! We have 297 soldiers! We need you to be complete!"

"What the hell. Ya in, Poison?"

"Sure."

"Cool. Now, let's play Fever Dream on somepony's iPod so we can march up to that castle in epicness!"

Somepony obliged, and they began to storm towards the princess' castle. The townspony's were frightened and moved out of the way.

_The Princess' castle, 8:00 PM_

"Princess Celestia! They're coming!"

"Who?"

"Luna! She's leading an army of 299 plus herself!"

"Hmmm… get the army ready, peasant. I must prepare to slaughter these worthless subjects!"

"Yes, your utter dominance and savior of Ponyville and Canterlot and Cloudsdale."


End file.
